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[12 Dec 2008|05:39pm] |
IN CASE I DIE
i moved to florida from new jersey last month and i have received 82 comments on myspace, all saying the same thing - "holy shit, dude, you're in florida? i thought you OD'ed." so, to account for my apparently impending death, i am writing this so all of you glorious people can experience the madness that is sean aldo's life. i was born august 1, 1991 in newport. my childhood is kind of unimportant and boring. the only significant thing that happened was my parents' divorce - and let's be honest, we all knew that was coming. anytime you have a man and a woman and their bastard child and factor in money, the ending is always going to be kind of fucked up. however, i use the term "divorce" loosely. i don't mean my parents had this big courtroom brawl involving lawyers and porsches and lots of paper. when i say divorce, i mean they came to a mutual agreement that they hated one another and didn't want the bindings of a marriage anymore, but without having to go through all the paperwork. so my dad fucked secretaries, babysitters, neighbors, teachers, counselors, etc. you know, all of the shit guys dream about but it never actually happens. and my mother, in turn, lived on cruise ships and fucked tourists, natives, cabana boys, captains, deckhands, etc. sometimes they'd both be home at the same time and we'd all eat dinner together. it was very civil. there was never a screaming match or pots being thrown. i think that's what fucked me up the most. by the time i was fifteen, i had enough friends and enough money to do basically whatever i wanted. that's when the interesting things started happening. cigarettes, alcohol. pot, prescription drugs, cocaine, acid, ecstasy, heroin. i only tried heroin once and it was the best feeling i've ever had in my life. i think that's partially why i haven't done it since....i think you should only feel that good one time in your life. if you do it too much, it starts to lose its shine. so yeah, i'm going to miss jersey. the last thing i did before i left was take acid and went to the mall. i was wearing velvet gloves and i rolled so hard, it was amazing. we moved here because of my dad's business, plus he was sick of dirty jersey. it seems alright here, i mean, no different from any other school i've ever gone to. i mean, isn't florida especially good for cocaine, right? but the drugs are more for aesthetic purposes. kesey and kerouac made it big off of just sitting around with their thumbs up their asses and getting high, then writing about it. seems simple enough. but anyway, IN CASE I DIE: mom, you are a bitch and those gold earrings you've been trying to find for a couple of months now, i pawned them when dad tried to take away my allowance so i could score some really good ganja; dad, thanks for fucking my biology teacher, i passed because of you; all of my writings are under my bed in a box; i wish to be cremated and for the ashes to be stored in my bong (please make sure you pour the bong water out first); all royalties from my writings are to be burned and deposited in said bong to intermingle with my remains. peace.
( etc )
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